


Women define me

by ARMEN15



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Beautiful Golden Fools, Brotherhood, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Friendship, Grieving, Mother-Son Relationship, Motherhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26837521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARMEN15/pseuds/ARMEN15
Summary: A series of short drabbles about Jaime and the most important women of his life.Lenght may vary in the various chapters.English is not my mother tongue.Ch 1 BrienneCh 2 CatelynCh 3 Myrcella (because she knew)Ch 4 JoannaCh 5 Cersei
Relationships: Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Jaime Lannister & Catelyn Tully Stark, Jaime Lannister & Joanna Lannister, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, Myrcella Baratheon & Jaime Lannister
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

Brienne 

A sword, an armour, a hand.  
What I have offered for you, to save you, to keep a promise.  
A sword that my father gave me, which he had melted for me.  
An armour I instructed the blacksmith to create, remembering by heart your measurements in the bath, my fever, my delirium didn’t blind my sight; only a strong and brave woman like you would stand naked and dripping in front of a man like me, a stranger.  
While you were washing yourself, I was spilling my secrets and cleaning my sins.  
One hand, that was me. The hand that defined me, the hand I lost together with everything that didn't matter to me.  
My arrogance and impulsiveness, which led me to save you once, twice, three times and you to save me back.  
Because what's really important for me now is just to keep a promise.


	2. Chapter 2

Catelyn

Catelyn Stark's eyes were the wolf's red balls in the night, were flames, fire, soul heat for the mother who feared for her children, for the wife left without a husband, for the woman ready to fight. Catelyn watched with contempt the kingslayer, the exponent of the family who was slowly destroying her own.  
The prisoner - for the honour of the Tullys - Catelyn could not kill him, though she so much would have wished.  
She could make him suffer, she could leave him in the cold, hungry, dirty, she could take away any privilege, any concession on comfort that would be correct to accord to the noble son of another house, but Jaime was only a prisoner, a sharp-tongued man, a knight ready to scoff and insult house Starks and that for Lady Catelyn was too much.  
She wanted to bend him, make him less insolent, she rejected him and was attracted to him at the same time.  
So she had felt the pleasure of hitting him with a rock, but then for what? Would it make her daughters to return home sooner?  
He was a strong, impetuous man, who spoke without thinking. Unlike her husband, so wise and cautious. How long had it took Ned to be the stern lord of the North, just in the end to die betrayed and alone?  
Perhaps for her husband it would have been better to be more similar to the prisoner, perhaps Ned would have had a greater chance of surviving at court, without getting lost in the pitfalls of power that Jaime Lannister had sailed for twenty years, covered and protected by the white cloak.  
If Ned had become a kingsguard, he could never have married her and their children would not have been born, but that was a safer life and a destiny that perhaps for Rickon they should have considered, with Robb successor to Ned and Bran unable to walk.  
And for her girls, the future seemed so uncertain. The young lion spoke without fear when she went to visit him at night, her was tied to a pole and filthy - allowed to wash himself with cold water only once or twice a month - and remained proud, his emerald green eyes shone in the dim light.  
Catelyn watched him and slowly, very slowly, night after night, those eyes spoke and she deciphered Jaime's hidden fears.  
There were many, perhaps too many, it was the effect of captivity, but Catelyn had decided that she could trust the young lion.


	3. Chapter 3

Myrcella 

I knew the man who was presumed to sire me – the powerful, warrior king - didn't care about his children.  
When we were young, the three of us were considered beautiful, kind, polite with everybody and he wanted only wine, whores and maids with a huge bosom to entertain him during tournaments and banquets.  
He looked at the other women, never at Mother, the most beautiful woman, pure beauty among all the beautiful ladies, she wasn’t considered by Father and after a few hours and a few wine cups she simply vanished from the royal table, as if her golden crown was nothing. Father lowered her at the level of ordinary women and seemed happy to do so.  
I started noticing my uncle, her twin, was always watching over Mother from his guard stance, to protect her from harsh gestures and drunken eyes that had no respect for her.  
A good husband and father should be like Uncle Jaime, happy to take care of his wife and children.  
Every day, every week, every month, every year. Always.  
I understood that twins had a different bond, a secret hidden in their glances, in their few words, it was their private connection.  
One night - I was maybe ten years old and my belly ached because I ate too many cherries - I wanted Mother, I wanted her to hold me and tell me a bedtime story to rest and make the pain pass.  
The door of Mother's room was ajar, there was light, low voices: she was definitely still awake.  
She wasn't alone. Opening the door I saw them talking, sitting on the bed, close, holding hands, fingers intertwined and then Uncle Jaime's hand was stroking Mother's hair and she took his neck by impulse and kissed him on the mouth for a long time. A not so innocent kiss. Not like I kiss my little brother.  
I retreated, because I saw something I shouldn’t see, and from that moment on I watched them in silence, more carefully, with more attention, never telling about my suspicions to any living soul.  
Joffrey and Tommen were growing up more and more similar to Uncle Jaime, nothing like Father. At the mirror, I saw only golden hair and green eyes in me. My doubts started to rise.  
And I told myself that it wasn’t possible, that it was a sin – according to those boring lessons about the history of royal families - that it was unnatural.  
Mother kept telling me I was a lioness, I had to be proud of my heritage. It was confusing: a stag or a lion, prey or predator?  
Watching Mother and Uncle Jaime I understood they were good at concealing the slightest gestures of affection in public or the intense looks they exchanged when with me or Tommen; I was always careful not to betray their bond, because I started to hope – to wish, sin or not, I didn’t care - that after all I was a real lioness.  
Maybe the answer was in that kiss...


	4. Chapter 4

Memories are few and fragmented, a child of six suddenly loses everything, the warmth of his mother's arms, the sweetness of her caresses, the sound of her voice, all things that make him feel loved, desired.

What a contrast to the rigidity of the Father. There are rare moments in which, at the insistence of Joanna, Tywin Lannister lets himself go to some effusion towards his children, the perfect twins they have generated together.

The twins are a source of great pride, two children with green eyes and golden hair, beautiful, the hope of the family and the envy of the ladies at the King’s court.  
Jaime always wants physical contact with his mother, he tries to sit next to her, to rest his head on her breast, his mother at one side, his twin at the other; Cersei is more independent, less eager for the support and presence of a parent.  
Joanna smiles at both, loving them the same way, because they are her cubs, her little lions.

What can be better than being happy inside the Rock, with freedom to explore, to play together, supervised by Mother and a host of governesses?

And then the great news: soon i twill arrive another sibling to play with and Jaime is immensely happy, there will be three of them, it will be better, even if Cersei is a little jealous. She would rather remain just the two of them, forever, but Mother is so happy to have another child and they must be happy for her too, Jaime always tells his twin.

Mother has forgotten she has been so angry having caught them together, that rainy afternoon, cuddling close, very close.  
There are expectations, hopes, projects. A few months later, the cold reality is an absence that breaks their tiny hearts and two children are left alone.  
Memories soon fall apart like dry leaves under their feet.


	5. Chapter 5

Cersei

My love, my flesh and blood that I share only with you.  
Sister, lover, beloved, mother of our children. Cersei. Cersei. Every breath, every moment of my life, I just dedicate it to you.  
Since before we came into the world, you were with me, I was with you and this destiny has remained in our hearts, in our souls.  
The other women are nothing compared to you, I don't look at them, I don't search for them, I don't want them.  
I choose nothing but you, giving up everything that would have been mine by birthright, a life that was mine, separated from you, because I can't live without you.  
And I lost, I lost the possibilities, the opportunities, the noble ladies that I could have married, the legitimate children that I could have sired, the family wealth that I could have disposed of. I have carried out actions of which I am now ashamed.  
I only did it for you and came back from captivity without a hand and saw something in your eyes that I didn't expect. Perhaps after endless months of torment I had to imagine that for me you are the world and for you I am only a man to command at your leisure.  
I was a fool, a stupid, a man madly in love with the most beautiful moth to which I have been attracted since our first kiss. I try not to think about you, but you're my obsession, you're the air I need to breathe, you're the sun that warms my skin.  
The young lion resplendent in his armour, the heir of the house, the best swordsman of my generation, the Gods have given me everything and I have laid what I have received on the altar of your love.  
Without asking for anything in return, other than that you were just mine, mine and Robert's, a marriage with one king too many. He was the only one I could accept, because you wanted to be queen, how many times I forced myself not to react and not to hit him.  
Even your loyalty was denied to me, as I was not allowed to hold our children, even at their birth; then I didn't care, now the years and my wounds have changed me.  
Yet you are still too much, always the only one for me, in this clash of armies of the living and dead, where the reward is only life.  
That's why I want to look you in the eye, while I keep my promise, for myself, for us, for the child you're expecting, for an uncertain future.  
If I have the strength and grace to survive, I can only return to you, queen or woman, ruler or deposed.  
I will only return as a winner, more wounded, more tired, more disillusioned, I will return to live with you, fleeing or staying, always and only with you.

**Author's Note:**

> A comment is always appreciated


End file.
